In the Quiet Depths
By Thomas X Veil
Summoned by the woman who once destroyed him, a former victim is pulled back into a dynamic of control and submission. As past trauma resurfaces, he confronts how deeply power embeds itself, long after escape seems possible.
Genre: Coercive Dystopian Fiction
Home > Thomas Veil > Roseslave
Page 1
Bill climbs the stile over the dry stone dyke and drops into the field, his boots leaving deep imprints in the mud. As he walks along the narrow, well-beaten path, he smiles for the first time in a while. The fresh icy wind, the birdsong, the threatening rain all lift him from Rosehaven, from his life.
At the brow of the first hill, he turns and looks down on the town below before leaving it behind for the day. He wishes he could leave it behind forever. The problem is he’s already left too many places. He’s promised himself that he’ll make a go of it here, regardless of what happens. ‘Can’t run forever’ is his current motto.
And it isn’t so bad; he has a steady job, and he doesn’t wake each morning desperately muttering, “Got to get away! Got to get away!” but feels an immense sense of relief when he discovers that he actually is away. He’s gone. He’s done it. He’s escaped. He can breathe again at last.
The damp ground makes the going difficult in places, but he doesn’t mind. He needs the effort; he needs the strain. Exercise is one of the best ways to combat stress, the doctors say. Well, for once, they’re right.
Today, he’s heading for the tiny birdwatcher’s hide halfway up the next rise. It’s almost impossible to see from here, but he knows it well, so just keeps pressing on.
For some reason, Brie has come into his mind.
What a shame that relationship went to waste.
It was nice in Westlake.
She was a splendid girl.
I don’t blame her for leaving.
No one could.
Not after the screaming.
Poor Brie… Said she wanted to help… But she struggled… Couldn’t…
And there it is again.
Lurking in the background.
The darkness.
Before Brie, there is just black.
My whole life stopped the day they took me.
Took me to her.
The woman who unlocked the door to my deepest, darkest fears and still has the key.
The pain she caused.
Breathing hard, Bill presses on to the hide.
The wind in his face, the slight twinge still in his left shoulder, the old injury in his right leg. They still ache in pulses, like something under his skin remembering the pressure.
All still there.
He thinks of his new friend, Mathew, who works for one of the hospital’s suppliers. Bill sees him a few times a week, and for some reason they’ve hit it off.
Bill rarely makes friends.
The book the doctor had given him was right; if you keep doing the same things, you’ll get the same results.
He and Mathew both like to go hiking, and sometimes even go together. He was meant to come today, but his girlfriend, Caroline, was ill and needed him to take care of her. He didn’t know if it was true or not, but chose to believe it.
He’d never believed her before.
The thought of Caroline threatens to send him into a spiral of despair. She’s desperate to “fix him up with a nice girl,” as she puts it. Bill isn’t sure what to do. He’s made so many excuses that he’s going to have to give in soon or lose their friendship.
Bill thinks Caroline’s a bit out of Mathew’s league, which would make any friend of hers completely out of Bill’s ballpark.
“I’ll have to try, though,” says Bill out loud as he approaches the hide.
Thankfully, there’s no one else there, so he can concentrate on the birds and not have to make idle conversation.
He doesn’t like doing that.
*****
“Caroline’s not going to take no for an answer,” says Mathew on Saturday as the two of them unload the last of the supplies.
“She’s dead set on it, Bill, so don’t back out. It’s all arranged.”
“OK, OK, I’ll give it a try. Why not? The worst thing that can happen is we have an enjoyable meal.”
“Exactly. Good man. Tuesday, 7pm at Millerman’s Bistro. Smart but casual. Can you do that?”
“But Tuesday’s only three days away.”
“You’ll be fine. I’ll phone you beforehand just to check everything’s OK. But remember, Caroline’s going to go fuckin’ spare if you don’t turn up again.”
“I’ll be there, I promise,” said Bill calmly.
“Great. Sign here, and I’ll need to get going. See you on Tuesday.”
“Bye.”
*****
Why, oh why did I agree to go?
I even promised.
If I keep doing the same things, I’ll keep getting the same results.
Hold on to that.
No sleep last night.
She’d been in my head.
Inside of me.
Saying all these things.
She can’t leave me alone.
Some people would like that.
Bill wanted her to stop being his nightmare.
Concentrating on his work is his only release. A hospital’s too important to get things wrong, so he knows when he’s tired, he has to double-check everything.
Busy is good.
*****
Caroline stands and waves.
He walks over to the table.
He isn’t even late.
“Alright, you two. Caroline, you’re looking great, as usual.”
“Great to see you, Bill.”
“I’ve got a pint, Bill. You want one too?”
“Please, but I’m taking it easy tonight.”
Caroline gestures to the other young woman. “Bill, this is Flora; Flora, Bill”
Breathe
“Lovely to meet you, Flora. Wow! Your dress is gorgeous.”
Mathew is grinning.
Caroline beams as she sees Flora’s face light up.
“And you, Bill. You look great too. I like that.”
…
My heart!
Black is back.
My darkness!
I only felt you, smelled you, heard your voice.
Felt the pain.
My mistress.
I must look surprised or something.
She’s looking deep into my eyes, smiling.
*****
The restaurant slowly comes back into focus, its spacious interior skillfully filled with tables set with pristine white tablecloths and silver cutlery. The best are by the vast wall of glass overlooking the beach so diners can watch the waves lapping against the silver sand below. Their table is only close enough to see the sea, but with the additional view of better-heeled diners attacking their fare. The server is charming and efficient as they order a starter of oysters, some French-style chicken dish for Mathew, a beef one for Caroline, Flora a raw, beaten and bruised blue steak tartare, while Bill has a simple pasta dish. The girls order glasses of red wine; the boys have their pints.
Would you like me to give them a little squeeze?
Mathew tells a story of how it used to be for locals only, but word had gotten out to the tourist brigade and since then tables had been like gold dust. Caroline took over, saying she’d been lucky enough to win dinner for four in a work prize draw a month or so ago, so here they are. Flora is sitting back in her chair, completely at home listening to them chat away. Bill is casually looking around as if admiring the surroundings, checking out every escape route.
The oysters soon arrive on an enormous silver platter with lemon wedges and a couple of spicy dips.
We arrange our crisp white napkins appropriately.
“I love giving them a little squeeze, don’t you?” said Flora, raising her eyebrows as she adds the lemon juice.
Mathew and Caroline chuckle.
Bill’s hand trembles, lemon juice missing its target.
They all slurp the oysters down.
“I love that feeling as they slip down my throat. It’s sexy, don’t you think?” said Flora. “Does it make you rise to the occasion, guys?” looking Bill straight in the eye.
He chokes, coughs and splutters.
The oysters have lost their taste.
Mathew and Caroline chuckle again, trying not to show it by wiping their mouths.
Bill tries to show some backbone.
I want to know everything.
“So, Flora. Are you from Rosehaven, or are you new like me?”
“I’m like you, Bill. New to all of this.” She talks slowly and confidently. Lots of eye contact.
“Have you come here for work, or for the scenery?”
“I can work anywhere, Bill. I’m highly skilled.”
A smirk just for me.
“It’s just nice to have a base somewhere so beautiful.”
Hands sticky.
Back wet.
“Oh. What is it you do, Flora?” his voice almost croaked.
“I’m a freelance efficiency contractor. I get information quickly.” She purrs, leaning towards Bill. “Some people are ever so impatient, you know. They just can’t wait. They want everything now,” and let out a single laugh. “You wouldn’t believe how important they think that is.”
Heart beating so fast!
Mathew chips in, “Caroline says you’re an expert, Flora. Is that right?”
…
“That’s right, Mathew. I love my work, so yes, I do it extremely well. I can charge whatever I want. I always get results.”
“Can you tell us anything about it?” Caroline asks.
“All highly confidential, I’m afraid. You wouldn’t want all your secrets scattered to the wind like confetti, would you, Bill?” casually turning to gaze deeply into his soul.
“No. Oh. Here you are,” he says, handing the server his plate, having to refrain from throwing himself at her feet and begging her to take him away with the oyster shells.
Caroline blethers on about something to do with her job as a faction admin assistant.
Bill counts his breaths and notices where each part of his body is.
“Bill.”
His steps are not working so well at the moment.
If I get away to the toilet, maybe I can calm myself down.
“Bill?”
“Eh? What?” fuck!
Mathew said, “Flora was just asking about your work.”
“Oh, eh, well, yeah? I work at the, eh… hospital.”
“Surgeon, physiotherapist, psychologist…?”
“Oh, right. Em. I work in admin… I order supplies… so all the medicines and so on don’t run out…. Make sure all the emergency generators are ready if needed. More disruptions again this week, seemingly. Stuff like that. ” He said, screwing up his napkin.
…
“Do you love it?” the slow voice in his dreams asked.
“I, I, I, I wouldn’t say I, I, I love it, but th, th, they say I’m good at it.”
From your stomach.
Breathe in.
“And why did you move to Rosehaven, Bill?” she asked. “Some woman or another, I bet,” giving him a cheeky grin.
Mathew and Caroline, oblivious to her wordplay, were enjoying the evening.
“No, nothing like that. I had a better offer here, and Rosehaven is so much nicer than Westlake.”
Why did I say that? Why, oh, why did I say that?
“Oh, you used to live in Westlake?” feigning shock, probing eyes, “I used to live there too.”
Be brave.
“Did you? What a pity we never ran into each other.”
“Maybe we did. I used to look different then. Dyed hair, always wore black, that kind of thing. I like to shock, you know.”
The shocks are running up my legs, down my arms, everywhere. I can’t…
“I’d remember you anywhere.” whispered Bill.
“Bill, you old dog,” howled Caroline. “He’s not usually so forward,” she said, turning to Flora.
Looking delighted, Flora went on, “Anyway, Bill, what do you get up to when you aren’t hard at work or eating out in fancy restaurants?
He loses his chance to answer as the server returns with their main courses and everyone takes a first bite.
“Mmm, this is gorgeous,” said Mathew.
“God, yeah,” Caroline moans erotically.
Bill finishes his mouthful of pasta. “This must be the best pasta I’ve ever had.”
I love it like this.
Flora was chewing her raw steak, her lips becoming redder. The effect was stunning, almost as if she were a wild animal.
“It’s all for me. I love it like this,” she purrs.
As they continue eating, the chat turns to eating raw food, especially meat.
Mathew asks, “Do you like to eat anything else raw, Flora?”
“Someone at work once said I eat people alive, but that’s a bit of an exaggeration.” She laughed. “They’re usually unconscious.”
Everyone laughs.
You don’t eat them.
You take them to pieces.
“What about you, Bill, do you like the taste of raw meat?” she continues.
“Only when it reminds me I’m still alive.”
Everyone stops and looks at him. Caroline’s jaw has actually dropped in surprise.
“Ha! You are funny!” said Flora. “Bill.”
Bill drags his gaze from his plate into her deep, dark, dangerous eyes.
“We’re going to get on just fine, you and me,” she purrs.”
“Yes, m… Flora,” mutters Bill, his napkin now a solid little ball. “I hope so.”
I remember her devices.
Flora seems to eat more slowly than the others, so none of them are surprised that she is still eating when they have finished.
“You know how they kill cattle?” she asks.
“Eh?”
“They use a cattle prod.”
“Cattle prod?”
Caroline doesn’t know what she’s missing.
I feel it dragged up the back of my thigh.
“It’s a stick with two prongs at one end. You poke the animal with the prongs, flick the switch, and it gets an electric shock. They’re obedient after that. Well, after a few times. Sometimes.”
“That’s inhumane.”
You’re goddamn right it’s inhumane!
“It doesn’t hurt them. It’s been proved scientifically.” Butter wouldn’t melt in Flora’s mouth. “After the first time, they usually move when they see it.”
Ugh! I can feel it everywhere in my body.
I want her to stop.
Not excited!
She is not getting to me!
“So, is that how they’re killed?”
Tell me.
I’ll do anything for you, mistress Vina.
“No. A huge bolt is shot into their skulls. Dead! Super quick. Some say that’s what gives the meat its taste.”
She can see that I’m desperate.
Enjoying these stories? Try the book.
“So what about you, Bill? What do you do for kicks? You never got around to answering before.”
“I go bird-watching.”
“Wild birds…”
“They’re not angry! They’re wild! Sorry, Bill, where do you find them?”
“No, I mean I hike out to the moors and use a hide to watch migratory birds come and go.”
“Oh. It must get lonely out on the moors all on your own,” her eyes laughing at him. “Never fancy some company?”
Mathew and Caroline would notice what she was doing, but they are having a whispered tiff.
“Would you like to come?”
“I think you’d like nothing better, wouldn’t you, Bill?” she teases, smiling.
…
“Dessert, anyone?” interrupts Caroline.
“I’d like you for dessert, Caroline.” Bill hasn’t seen Mathew tiddly and playful before.
…
“Nothing for me, thanks. I’ve got to watch my figure,” the slow voice pulls Bill’s strings.
“I’d like to watch your figure,” Bill flushes suddenly, realising what he’d just said out loud.
What did I say that for?
Are you fuckin’ crazy?
“So you do like that kind of bird, Bill. I knew it.”
You know everything about me.
“After we’re finished, do you know what I’d like, Bill?” purrs Flora.
God, she can read me like a book.
I’m standing to attention.
Steps, where are you?
“I’d like you to walk me home tonight. Just the two of us.”
“I’d like that too, Flora.”
Can’t they see me… shaking… hoping… I’ve got to…
“Let’s just have some coffee,” says Caroline. “I’m stuffed.”
“I’m saying nothing,” purrs Flora.
*****
After coffee and the bill (or coupon) the four friends make their way outside, breathe in the fresh sea air, admire the disappearing view and say their goodnights. Mathew and Caroline are driving back home, while Bill is walking Flora to her door. Flora takes Bill’s hand.
“This way,” she says, pulling him towards the beach.
“I thought you said you live up that way,” says Bill, pointing behind them.
She pulls him close, facing him.
“Look at me.”
She’s going to kiss me.
“There’s a secret path,” she says, and pulls away again. Pulling him towards a stream running over the sand and into the sea.
“Catch me, Bill,” she says and runs off.
I could just leave now.
Bill runs after her over the road and into complete darkness.
She’s disappeared!
Squinting, he makes out a narrow beaten path alongside the little stream and follows it.
“Come on, slowcoach,” she shouts from ahead.
Getting used to the darkness, Bill carefully follows the path ahead.
He doesn’t want to fall.
“It’s been soooo good to see you again, Bill,” her voice purrs, suddenly at his ear. “Hasn’t it?”
I’m jelly.
He closes his eyes.
Nothing.
“Mistress?”
“I’ve enjoyed this evening, Bill, haven’t you?”
“Yes, mistress.”
“I think this could be the start of something wonderful,” taking his hand again. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Bill?”
“Very much, mistress.”
They keep walking up the narrow beaten path together, hand in hand.
She stops and stands in front of him.
“You know what I’m going to do, Bill,” her nose almost touching his. “Say please.”
“Please, mistress. Please touch me.”
She moves round and stands behind him.
“Do you remember, Bill?” A long fingernail trailed up his inner thigh.
Do whatever you want to me.
“Do you remember the excitement, Bill?” The nail digging harder into his leg.
“I do, mistress.”
“Do you remember what you said, Bill?”
“I remember, mistress.”
“What did you tell me, Bill?”
“I said I’ll do anything for you, mistress.”
“I think you were lying, Bill.”
“I didn’t lie, mistress.”
“Are you telling me I’m wrong?” Fury surged inside his ear, the nail almost drawing blood.
No!
“… You’re never wrong, mistress. I must be mistaken, mistress.”
“That’s it, Bill. Deep breaths. We don’t want you blacking out here, do we?”
“No, mistress.”
Nothing
“Mistress?”
Bill spins around.
Nothing.
Not even a shadow in the night.
Follow your breath…
He walks. If anything happened here, no one would find him until morning.
She’s waiting for him on a public bench at the end of the path at a road beside a playground in a large park.
“Slowcoach. Come on, I live just along here.”
She takes his hand again as they walk the hundred yards to her door.
She opens it, turns, smiles and says, “Want to come in, Bill?”
“Yes, m..”
She clamps her hand over his mouth before he can say the M word.
“Just for a drink.”
“I would love that, Flora.”
Bill is just about to enter when a voice comes from deep inside.
“Flora. Is that you, dear?”
She looks really disappointed. She whispers, “Wait.”
“Yes.”
“Make sure and lock up.”
She closes the door firmly in his face.
He hears the key turn and the chain slide home.
Like she said… I’ll wait… She won’t be long…
After an hour, Bill walks home, his head still spinning.
It doesn’t stop for more than a week.
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